Do Robots Twitter?

    follow me on Twitter

    Sunday, 19 July 2009

    10 Better Ways Ianto Could Have Died

    By now enough of you should have watched Torchwood: Children of Earth that I can post this without spoiling too many people's viewing experiences. Was anyone else incredibly disappointed with how they killed off poor Ianto Jones, particularly given the truly heroic deaths Owen and Tosh got last season? I was!

    Here are ten better ways Ianto could have gone out:

    10. Shredded by molten coffee beans whilst making espresso for the team when a freak clogging of the steam pipe caused the machine to explode.

    9. Threatened to hold his breath until the 456 left Earth and was forced to make good on his promise when they called his bluff.

    8. Strangled to death after tying necktie too tight.

    7. Assassinated by a sentient mutated vanilla boysenberry muffin from the planet Muffimatoria VI after unwittingly serving its brother with the team's morning coffee.

    6. Beaten to death whilst attempted to use Kung Fu on the 456 in the tank, not realising it knew "Mantis style".

    5. Broke his neck trying a strange alien Kama Sutra manoeuvre with Jack.

    4. Shot by Jack out of jealousy after Ianto announced that he was going to defect to the FBI because Mulder and Scully were offering "tag team action".

    3. Choked to death on a hot dog. No, not that kind of hot dog you dirty minded person, you!

    2. Eaten by a rift-mutated Goldfish named Terrence after accidentally blinding himself when he stepped outside Torchwood 3 to get Gwen and Jack's dry cleaning and looked down at his ridiculously shiny shoes, then stumbled over the railing into Cardiff Bay.

    1. Let's be honest - dying in pretty much any other frakking way imaginable that wasn't getting a virus that the 456 produced with no explanation of where it came from or hint that it was even a possibility and crying to death in Jack's arms.

    1 comment:

    voodooinferno said...

    10, 7 and 5 are my fave ways