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    Tuesday, 6 September 2011

    Deal Test

    Monday, 5 September 2011


    Monday, 3 May 2010

    Doctoring Who: Victory of the Daleks

    I am in love with the new series of DOCTOR WHO - Moffat is taking the show in a fantastic direction and Smith and Gillan are outstanding as the Doctor (mad, alien, perfect) and Amy Pond (mad, perfect, gorgeous). Way better, even, than I could have hoped.

    So far I've really enjoyed everything with the exception of the "Victory of the Daleks" episode. Did anyone else watch it and feel like it was just lacking somehow? Although I could prod at quite a few points that niggled at me (don't even get me started on the whole stopping the bomb with the power of love moment), I think the main problem was simply that the resurrection of the Daleks felt wrong. It was rushed and it's happened so many times now that it felt a bit empty.

    I mean, how many times can you see the "The last Dalek ship in creation hid away in some corner of time and space only to build the ultimate Dalek army only to be destroyed in minutes, rinse, repeat" storyline before you lose interest?

    Rather than crying about what I didn't like, I've been thinking about what I might have done to improve the story. "My" story is essentially the same up until the big reveal of the Dalek rebirth.

    The Daleks explain that in the final seconds of "Journey's End" they knew they were going to be destroyed. Davros understood that at last his creations would be wiped from existence once and for all so he did the only thing he could - he sent a beacon down to the planet below, one that slipped through time, searching for a home.

    The beacon landed in Germany just after WWII has begun and immediately began whispering promises and secrets, crawling into the minds of those who heard it. It was taken to Nazi high command and from there to a top secret scientific facility, where the scientists began working on the ultimate weapon, seized by a collective inspiration they cannot explain.

    However the facility was captured by the Allies and brought back wholesale to Britain. The project is finished and the Daleks are built but the children of Skaro are dead and in their place, encased forever in a metal tomb, are the new Daleks -- the children of earth.

    The Doctor recoils in horror, heartbroken as he realises that his greatest enemy and his most beloved charges have become one. And of course, the ultimate irony is that it isn't even the Nazis who are responsible for the rebirth of the most genocidal species in the universe...

    I'm sure this will be controversial for some WHO fans out there but I think it was about time for a massive shakeup in the Dalek mythos and to me the idea that there's a human of some kind inside that shell makes it much more horrifying.

    So what do you think? Post a comment and let me know!

    Thursday, 14 January 2010

    Today's Words of Inspiration

    Writing can be really difficult. Having just passed 200 pages in my very first attempted novel, I feel like I've been working for ages on something without any reward. At times it kills me not to be able to wave it in someone's face and get that immediate feedback that I so desperately crave.

    Sometimes I need to find something inspirational to keep me going. It might be an idea that energises me, or reading a great book or sometimes even just a wonderful quote to keep things in perspective.

    Here are the words that got me through today:
    It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. - Theodore Roosevelt, "The Man in the Arena" speech, 1910.

    Transformers: War for Cybertron

    Now, I love video games and I love Transformers but the recent video game adaptations of the (very enjoyable) first and (utterly horrible) second film were very standard, so I was trying not to get too excited about the new upcoming Transformers game... until I saw this trailer.


    Friday, 8 January 2010

    Tucker & Dale vs Evil

    I am completely in love with this preview. I'm a massive fan of both Alan Tudyk (of Firefly and more recently Dollhouse fame) and Tyler Labine (Reaper), I love horror movies generally and the idea of inverting the horror genre in this way is totally awesome.

    Normally I'm almost as afraid of inbred hicks as I am of zombies (Ohmygod -- inbred hick zombies!! ARGH!) but this is one time I'll be cheering on Team Backwater Inbred Hick as they duke it out against Team Douchebag from the City.

    The Biggest Fails of 2009

    The number one thing I ask myself when watching these videos is, "What the fuck did you THINK was going to happen?" Still, I'm glad they went through with it anyway because now my stomach hurts from all of the laughing. I just hope that most of these people lived to tell the tale... except perhaps the ones who totally deserved it.

    Friday, 18 December 2009

    Top 10 Reasons it Would Suck to Be An Ewok

    Ewoks have such a raw deal. George Lucas initially planned to make them Wookies. Wookies, for god's sake! How much ass would that have kicked? Heaps!

    Here are 10 other reasons why it would suck to be an Ewok:

    10. Height restrictions suck! Only allowed on the children's rides at Disneyland. Also not allowed to operate most heavy machinery.

    9. Very little designer clothing made for the Ewok market.

    8. People occasionally confuse you for a koala, when you clearly descend from the drop bear family.

    7. Difficult to get the girls - they don't like dating guys/ewoks who are shorter than them.

    6. Even if you do get the girl, she will probably an ewok and, let's be honest, they're not great lookers.

    5. C-3PO would be just about the shittiest god I could possibly imagine.

    4. All that fur makes Summer a real bitch. Don't even get me started on waxing that bikini line.

    3. The language barrier makes it difficult for humans to distinguish between Ewok for "You look nice today" and "Holy fucking shit, watch out for that AT-ST!"

    2. Tendency to be cast as comedy sidekicks in action sequences, even when you absolutely decimate the technically and numerically superior invading force using a couple of logs and some stones.

    1. People find it difficult to take you seriously when your name is Wicket and you don't wear pants.

    Monday, 14 December 2009

    Simile of the Day

    Successful dating is like a really good magic trick. You have to get your audience to believe they're seeing something wonderful, when in fact you're just using sleight of hand and misdirection to keep the horrible truth hidden behind all the smoke and mirrors.

    Friday, 11 December 2009

    The True Meaning of Christmas

    Christmas is fast approaching. Every year it seems to approach that little bit faster, with the speed and stealth of a rocket-propelled ninja panther traveling through the vacuum of space on ice skates. But what is it, really? Do people really think about what they're celebrating in this helterskelter day and age?

    Here are a few suggestions for what the true meaning of Christmas is:

    1) According to my supermarket, Christmas is a special time of eating too much shortbread and buying hilariously overpriced chocolate packages left over from Easter that have been re-branded to have vaguely Christmas-themed packaging. Supermarket Christmas runs from November - January. I think it's a season now.

    2) According to my TV, Christmas is a special time where dreams really can come true, so long as they involve finally getting the parent I've always wanted after approximately 1.5 hours of hijinx involving someone temporarily and comically becoming Santa Claus. It appears that Tim Allen is contractually obliged to be involved.

    3) Christmas is a special time when people remember the birth of Jesus Christ. Or his death. Or whatever, just give me my presents.

    4) Christmas is a special time when people come together to celebrate the "true" gifts they have been given - friends and family. *snigger* I know, right?! These people are traditionally called "hippies" and are under no circumstances to be allowed access to your Christmas gathering. They will smell bad and feed your children communist propaganda and hash brownies.

    5) Christmas is a special time when families gather together at a predetermined battleground to wage no-holds-barred psychological warfare on an epic scale. All parties are required by International Treaty to first participate in a pre-conflict ritual known as "The Stuffing of Faces With Food" in order to even the playing field. Combatants then use "presents" to punish, disappoint, mystify or even (on some rare cases) build a false sense of security in their opponents, to be exploited on a later occasion.

    "But what is the true meaning of Christmas?" I imagine I hear you clamor. I'm afraid that's not for me to say. You must look into your heart and blah blah spiritually uplifting message and so forth.

    All I can tell you is that for me, Christmas is a special time when people come together to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ by decorating a tree as brightly and colourfully as possible in order to lure a magical fat man in a red suit to your house and then trap him there, with the expectation that he will leave "gifts" (i.e. "ransom payments") under the tree in exchange for his personal freedom.

    Merry Christmas, everybody.