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    Thursday, 7 August 2008

    I Dream of Zombie(s)

    At least once a week, I dream about zombies. The setting is often different, as are the cast of characters in my dreams (including friends, family and randoms). The constant is that I'm usually working my ass off to fend off a ravening horde of shambling corpses who are all intent on eating my brain and feasting off my free range intestines.

    I've thought a lot about where these nightmares might come from. Obviously, the fact that I watch a fair few horror films doesn't help, nor does the fact I have a love/fear thing about zombies. I hate the idea of them - a painfully slow yet inescapable mass of dead people with an insatiable appetite for their ex-friends and loved ones. Of course what this means is that I like to watch movies with them even more because it adds to the scare factor.

    Yet somehow, these reasons weren't good enough - they don't explain the frequency or longevity of these dreams. So I decided to do the only sensible thing possible - consult google and other assorted dream diary websites (preferably the ones that make no mention of any particular expertise in the field of dream interpretation or psychology) for the answers.

    Here's what I found out: Nobody has any fucking clue what dreaming about zombies means.

    I hear you gasp. "No! The internet? Be unhelpful? That's impossible!" Alas, it's true. I wanted to hitch a ride on the information superhighway and instead I got run over by a truck that stole my underpants.

    For your viewing pleasure, here are some of the suggestions for reasons for zombie dreams. They include (but are not limited to):
    • Attacking a zombie can mean that you are beating yourself up for your nasty habits, e.g. drinking, smoking, etc (I don't drink or smoke);
    • It can mean that you are testing your mental and physical capabilities;
    • It can indicate that you are feeling overwhelmingly helpless, hopeless (and very possibly slightly depressed);
    • Zombie dreams tell us that we are afraid of not being in control; and finally, my personal favourite,
    • Dreaming about zombies means that you have harmed people in a previous life and they are now out for revenge. Apparently, the only way to avoid said revenge is to "shine your light" onto them (possibly a metaphor for shining a torch into the eyes of the revengeful bastards' eyes until they are disoriented enough for you to kick them in their zombie junk and then run away very fast) and admit that you are desperate to help them.
    I have to be honest and say that I'm not desperate to help anyone who turns into a zombie. At the point you start trying to eat my brains, or you succeed in eating somebody else's brains, or you don't notice if I cut off your arm, you are pretty much beyond any help I feel capable of providing.

    All of my friends and loved ones have already been informed that in the event of a zombie apocalypse and them becoming zombified, I will be the first one to blow their heads off with extreme prejudice.

    So anyway, the dream diaries and pop psychologists suck. I guess that means I'm on my own with the zombies. Ah well, at least I'll be mentally prepared for the zombie apocalypse when it comes.

    PS - It *IS* coming. Don't say I didn't warn you.

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