King Leer

Well played, sir. Well played. Kudos to you, Big Brother. Whilst the majority of your recent publicity stunts ("twists", "surprise" evictions, "surprise" invaders, "surprise" prize money) have done nothing to tempt me (in fact, if anything, they've made me want to watch even less), your latest ploy had me watching despite myself.

I've tried very hard not to be a Big Brother watcher this season but I have to ashamedly admit that I was hooked in by the recent Pamela Anderson visit to the house.

Why did I inflict this horror upon myself? It wasn't really to do with Pamela Anderson herself per se, although 14 years ago I thought she was about the hottest thing on the planet, but rather, how I thought the boys in the house would react to her.

In general, I feel a bit sorry for us men. Most of us see any cleavage whatsoever and immediately lose track of what we're doing and why we're doing it. We gawk, open-mouthed as our brain pops out for a quick beer. Don't get me wrong - it's definitely not something I condone but it IS something I definitely have to laugh at.

It's even more humorous when you see a guy desperately trying not to look at something he desperately wants to look at. The amount of strain the hapless male is under as he tries to do two totally opposite things at the same time makes it look like there's two sources of gravity at work on his eyes. It's even funnier when the guy in question thinks he's being really subtle about it.

Having watched the show's opening night (another admission), I had a fairly strong suspicion that the majority of the boys in the house were massive perverts and I thought Pammy might be the true test of just how dumb boys can be around blonde hair and/or big boobs.

As it turned out, watching Pam's entrance into the house proved to be as hilarious as I had suspected it might be - pretty much all of the boys falling over themselves trying with all of their might not to look at Ms. Anderson's impressive cleavage, whilst simultaneously being compelled against their will to do so. So who was the worst? Cherry gets my vote for 'King Leer' due to his general creepiness and his sleazy attitude towards all of the girls, not just Pam.

I can't say it was Shakespeare, but for the first time this year, a few minutes of Big Brother actually managed to entertain me. Who knows - maybe the bawdy bard himself might have been lost for words in Pam's presence? Somehow, I doubt it.