Baby Olivia VS Me

Dear Baby Olivia,

I have begun to notice a severe gap between the way we are viewed and treated by society. This is not fair. This is "discriminatory", which is a big person's word meaning "I'm annoyed that I don't have it as good as you and I'm going to complain about it."

I won't stand for it, Baby Olivia. You may be only 6 months old but your extreme and continuous flaunting of these differences has to stop.

You: Get to sleep all day and people think that's cute.
VS
Me: Sleep all day and get owned by Wife for not having done chores/contributed to society/washed, etc.

You: Get fed whenever you cry about being hungry.
VS
Me: Go hungry whenever I cry about not being fed.

You: Talk nonsensically about nothing in particular and get praised for it.
VS
Me: Make many pithy jokes, witty remarks and excellent puns, only to receive whithering looks of un-appreciation.

You: Put on 1.5kg in 6 weeks and people applaud how big you are getting.
VS
Me: Look at an ice cream and get reminded that I really need to go to the gym a bit more.

You: Have more hair than me already.
VS
Me: Shut up. I'm not doing this anymore.

End this now, Baby Olivia. Let us have peace in our time. If not, this means war.